Go pick out your husband online
This year my charming students gave me plenty of dating advice. The best came from a second grade girl the first month at my site. After asking if I was married or had kids (two very common questions) she was disappointed to learn the answer to both was no. Naturally, she needed to fix this. “You need to get married,” she told me. Entertaining her, I asked her who I should marry. She began listing all of the boys in eighth grade I shouldn’t marry (based on her older sister’s dating experiences). After assuring her that wouldn’t be a problem, she went to the next obvious solution. “Just go online and pick one out!” She then explained the importance of doing the picking yourself and not letting the boys pick the girl out. She went on to talk about online dating for a good 10 minutes.
You just act cool and stuff
Along with the free dating advice I received, I also got to hear about all the romances in the school. One day, a second grade boy was particularly upset while playing kickball at recess. When I asked what was going on, he pulled me off the field by my shirt and pushed my shoulders down so I was at his level. “This is a secret. You can’t tell anyone.” Pinky swears were exchanged and I found out that the girl on second base was going out with the boy on third. The upsetting part was she used to go out with the boy I was talking to (you know, back in first grade). He missed her so much and wanted to get her back. Curious, I asked what it meant to be girlfriend/boyfriend in second grade. He looked puzzled for a moment then shrugged his shoulders and said “I don’t know when you’re around your girlfriend you just act like you’re cool and stuff.” He has no idea how insightful he is for a seven year old.
My blood tastes like hot sauce
These words were actually spoken by one of my beloved kindergarteners. When he was lining up at the end of recess, he found a small cut on his hand. Nothing major, but he kept squeezing it to get the blood out. I told him to leave it alone and that he would be fine but he told me that he couldn’t do that. Why? Because his blood tasted like hot sauce.
So, off to the nurse’s office we went to get a band aid. About half way into our walk, he looked up at me and asked that I please not tell the nurse that his blood tasted like hot sauce. He didn’t want anyone to think he was a vampire. I assured him I wouldn’t (instead I’m writing a blog about it) and we got him a band aid and headed back to lunch. His parting words were, “You know, Miss Eileen, the good thing is, if there was a fire I would run. The bad thing is……(extremely long pause) bricks are really hard!”
Vampires come up with some pretty weird stuff.
Line up when you hear the whistle
Here’s my spiel when doing student hearing tests:
“You’re going to put this headphones on and listen very carefully for some beeps. When you hear the beep in your right ear, raise your right hand. When you hear the beep in your left ear, raise your left hand. Make sure you raise your hands nice and high and when you don’t hear a beep keep your hands on your lap. Got it?”
Child nods head with a blank stare.
“Okay what do you do if you hear a beep?”
“Raise my hand.”
“What do you do when the beep stops.”
“Put my hand down.”
Then I threw in a trick question to make sure they were really paying attention.
“Great, now what do you do if you hear a whistle?”
Most kids just looked at me puzzled until I told them I was only kidding, they wouldn’t hear a whistle. Except one third grader who matter-of-factly, without missing a beat, said, “Line up because recess is over.”
Alright kid, you win.